New phrases for politicos

Author: Simon Dexter

Well done to Conservative MP Edward Leigh, chairman of the Public Accounts Committee (PAC) who this week showed a rare, but nonetheless welcome understanding of how the cards can sometimes fall. Speaking of a deal to privatise defence company Qinetiq which resulted in the value of the company’s management holdings soaring from £537,000 to £107 million, Mr Leigh said the “Ministry of Defence conducted the deal like an innocent at a table of cardsharps, with the taxpayer the fall guy.”

In response, Qinetiq said it completely refuted any suggestion that its senior managers had acted “inappropriately and without integrity” when the company was privatised. Mr Leigh’s PAC maintained that the MoD would have made an additional £93 million had it kept to its original plan and sold just a third of Qinetiq. Perhaps what Mr Leigh and his committee should have said was when the flop came, one party hit a Royal Flush, the other experienced the baddest of beats.

Mr Leigh’s analogies made us think that in politics’ world of double-speak, “issues” and renowned economy when telling the truth, adapting poker terminology would let everyone know where they stood.

Accordingly, when a government minister spoke of a ‘big slick’, he wouldn’t be referring to AK suited but another rise in fuel tax. Similarly, our ‘pocket rockets’ would not be a pair of aces but that equally dynamic duo of Alistair Darling and Harriett Harman. And of course ‘cowboys’ would not be pocket kings but a reference to the Cabinet.

Sorry, this last one appears to be in use already.